By Lennon Caranzo I have said too many goodbyes in my life and I believe I’m only nearing 1/16th of it. In fact, I might identify with the current song on Spotify: “I’m too good at goodbyes”. Goodbyes are a banal phenomenon since almost every day there is sure someone saying goodbye to another in whatever part of this valley of tears they were yet each goodbye cannot be fathomed through the lens of the macro-social – each goodbye are personal and painful. Believe me, I already have a doctorate in that field of pain. We often associate goodbyes with pain – with negativity and suffering – since each goodbye presents to us the fact that that very moment of uttering that word maybe the last time you can utter it to whom you are addressing it. But not all goodbyes can be associated with pain – only those goodbyes you utter to those who occupies a special place in your heart. Since the very fact that they were already there – and so they seem to be naturally there – goodbyes to them becomes like tearing away from you a part of your body – a part of your very being. That is why we strive hard to be vigilant lest the time of saying that painful word comes. Yet goodbyes at times are necessary. Holding on to someone is a vain attempt like daring to run on a rain drenched-tiled-floor with matching “slippery when wet” sign. In a sense, goodbyes are part of human existence. Each goodbye is always an earthquake to my existence, they only differ in degree of intensity and magnitude. The closer a person is to my heart the more devastating the moment of goodbye is. At first sight, goodbye seems to be such a pain and nuisance in my jouissance (enjoyment of the world). I must do everything to hold on to her, I must put barriers and be “sober and alert for the enemy is prowling like a roaring lion waiting for someone to devour”. Yet going back to the experience, goodbyes seem not to be really the problem but egoistic attachment. The Buddha once said that it is because of attachments and desires that there is pain in the world. In a sense he is right. I feel devastated in uttering goodbye not because she will be leaving but because I will be left behind. At the last analysis, I’m still trapped in caring for my own happiness. But goodbye is an antidote to this centripetal force of the ego. Goodbye (adieu) is always unto-God (a-Dieu) thus each goodbye is a wishing for the leaving other the grace and protection of God. It is as if you let God take your place in loving and serving the other since you may no longer function as such, at least geographically speaking. Actually, God himself is goodbye par excellence since he is always elusive – ungraspable, always bidding his goodbye when someone almost holds him in his hands. Thus, goodbye is the via negativa and conditio sine qua non of letting the other be. After all, she is a person not a possession. Like a bird she has the right to fly. Goodbyes are always good since I never heard of badbyes. Goodbyes will still be painful regardless of whatever I’ve said above. But goodbyes thinking not of oneself but of the other are what goodbyes really are. Goodbye always brings with it the hope and possibility of a new hello – a new beginning. There is always the chance to meet once more regardless of when and where. Even in death, there is always a hope for another hello. Even if you do not believe in God or in afterlife then there is still the blissful possibility of our ashes meeting on the same earth or our oblivion meeting in the flux nothingness. After all, nothingness is still something. So, goodbye for now dear friend. Want to become a contributor? Fill up the form below and kindly put in the comment section a sample of your piece (anything from opinion to reflection)
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"The absolutely other is the Other" Archives
September 2018
"There is only one corner in the universe that you can be certain of improving and that's your own Self" |